“Who ARE you?” the plaintiff’s lawyer foolishly repeated the query.“As I just told you and the rest of the court, I AM!” I blasted her with incredible heat, along with the trial judge now.Both were cooked alive within seconds, yet the bench wasn’t damaged at all.I had to make examples out of both of them for not getting the point. The defense counsel was less obtuse. He quickly deduced my meaning, falling upon his face in front of me, bowing in my sacred presence. It wasn’t every day that one encountered the Almighty.“God, is that You?” he asked me through chattery teeth.“Yes, but don’t be so damn formal. Call me ... Leviathan. Yes, I am the Lord God of Heaven. I am the King of Heaven. I am the Master of the Universe. I am El Shaddai. I am Adonai. I AM THAT I AM! As you can see, I don’t appreciate arrogant defiance and insolence from mere mortals like the judge and the plaintiff’s attorney.“I also don’t appreciate this current system of family law. It is so patently unfair to men. So. “Oh! She LOVES this sweet butter at Bread Barrel.” That was one of the local bakery restaurants, they also sold their stuff in little take home containers.“Perfect! Could you go get some for me?” I asked, “I’ll pay you back.”She just jumped up and hugged me with a smile, “Don’t be silly. Anything to help my little brother!” Then she was gone up the stairs. I followed and heard her telling mom that she was going out for a bit and soon her car was driving off. Okay, this plan could work and prove once and for all I was attractive and studly, and not just a horny bio-terrorist date-rapist.I sat and enjoyed some breakfast and figured what to do next. Mom asked about my date, since she’d heard about it from Jen. I told her it was great and that I was dating Katey now. She nodded and said then in a serious tone, “Then it’s time we had the talk.”Oh crap. I didn’t want to talk to my mother about sex and girls. I mean, I’d already lost my virginity last night so I was all set right?.
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